You could go to a concert and think the singer had an amazing voice. You would walk away satisfied with the band's performance. As you discussed it later, you'd stare at your friends in disbelief when they all agreed it was the worst concert they'd ever heard. It doesn't matter that you all saw the same performance. You perceived the artist as doing well. Your friends did not.
So often this is true of life. Your perception is your reality.
I was running last week and came upon a man doing the sign dance on a street corner. You know the type I'm talking about; usually waving about tax help, mattresses, or in this case, $9.99 Large pepperoni pizzas at Round Table. He had his headphones in, and as I passed him, he muttered under his breath, "Hah. She thinks she's fast."
...Excuse me, sir? Just because you have headphones in does not mean that I cannot hear you speak! I fumed about it for the next few minutes as I continued down the road. Who does he think he is? I'm not slow. I'm a damn runner, not a jogger.
And then I realized something: that was his perception. And, you know what? He's right. I do think I'm fast. That is my perception. I am faster than I was yesterday. I am faster than I was two months ago when I was stuck in Das Boot. I am faster than the demons in my brain that I shake out with every footfall on the pavement. I may not be Meb Keflezighi, Kara Goucher, Lauren Fleshman, or Nick Symmonds. But, I consistently put one foot in front of the other and keep going. That is my reality.
Speaking of reality, it has hit me hard of late. Coming back from an injury is a very humbling and drawn out process. My last marathon was in April, and I've hardly written since then. I really think there's a correlation between a good run and a good blog post. In fact, I would venture to say that I derive my inspiration for writing from my running. No running = No writing.
But, I'm baaaaack! It has been an incredibly slow process, with lots of listening to my body. It's taken patience to realize that I couldn't just jump back into 20 mile trail runs; that 3 miles was asking a lot of my weakened leg. It has taken humility to accept that I'm not as fast as I used to be. And, it has taken a positive attitude to fight all of that mental negativity that comes along with this process.
I want to catch you all up on the process and all of my adventures had over the summer. However, this will be in a separate blog post that I promise I am already working on! Be ready for a photo gallery.
For now, my first race since the injury, the Prefontaine Memorial 10k in Coos Bay. A race I ran last year, and also a few years back in my primary school days.
Overall, a great race. The weather was perfection. Seventy degrees and clear, blue skies. I really love races in small towns. The atmosphere was so happy and relaxed. It allowed me to achieve that calm, pre-race zen that I love so much. I've come to realize that I'm not the competitive type, though I wish I was. I run to compete against myself and myself only. Those other people ahead of me? I've heard the whole 'reel em in' trick to push yourself. I usually just critique their form and wonder how mine is. The thought of passing them does not even enter my silly mind.
So, the Pre. I sadly went out too fast. I was pacing 2 minutes faster per mile than what I wanted for the first 3 miles. By the time dreaded Agony Hill came around, I was spent. My shin started acting up and so did my asthma. My immediate thought, as I stepped off to the side of the road unable to breathe, was this, "Jessica, you forgot your inhaler. You ran too hard. Your training schedule is a mess. You have a marathon in two weeks and you cannot even run six miles?! You are so full of excuses." So, I started running again. Damn that negative self-talk.
About that time, this lovely pixie of a runner comes up alongside me. She says to me, as I'm having a very active argument with my brain, "Mind if I pace with you? You're making this look easy right now." You must be joking. But, of course I agreed. She came out all the way from Chicago to run this race
and be my absolute savior because Steve Prefontaine was her idol. We pushed and paced each other all the way to the finish line, sprinting the last 200 meters. I truly could not have done it without her. Thank you, running gods!
While I was busy wishing I was taking a nap or eating Nutella (damn blerch) around mile 4, this guy was already crossing the finish line, 45th out of 830+ people.
To think he was going to pace with me, finishing 400th. Hah! An absolute badass. I am so proud of him for ditching me and embracing the race spirit. I'll get there someday. For now, a great race. Negative self-talk aside. I still crossed the finish line, didn't I? A great weekend full of amazing people. A great way to get back into the groove. Less than two weeks until autumn's best race, the Portland Marathon. I could not be more excited (and nervous)!
Happy first day of autumn! I celebrated with a spectacular run on the waterfront in my new pair of pretties (New Balance Minimus wr10's)! Just shy of double digits to break them in and catch up with one of my best friends. A run is truly the best way to cultivate a friendship. Sweating, spitting and swearing included. Love.
Current song on repeat:
Am I a fast runner? Yes. That is my perception. Am I fast as compared to others? No. But do I compare myself to others? Not in the slightest. Be happy, be you. Your perception is your reality.